When My Body Started to Rebel

You know what I have finally figured out about Motherhood - - it is ever-changing and if I don't slow down, I will miss it! 💯 This is how I started my Mother’s Day celebration post and then I decided what I had to say was more than a Facebook post.  

I know so many of us struggle with being “enough.” What is important to each of us (making us enough) is also vastly different…thank goodness. My vision of what made me a “good” mother, attorney, friend, person was more than I could sustain.

I homemade the birthday cakes, the t-shirts to celebrate all occasions (which usually left me up past midnight trying to make these days "perfect" for my little ones), we hosted birthday parties at our house, went all out with decorations and themes, school snacks were creations, when I wasn't at work, I was running us around trying to give my kids new experiences and adventures, or planning our next vacation. And, I wasn't just doing this for my kids, I was doing this in my work life and in my personal, non-mom, life:) too. 

And then things started to catch up with me. Stress and exhaustion started showing through in my physical body. After a couple of years of trying to figure out why my health was negatively changing, I realized I needed to make an adjustment in the way I was living.

So, I decided to make a list of the things that were THE MOST important to me and start cutting back on the things that did not make the top of my list. This was really difficult for me because everything I was doing made me feel happy or productive or successful. A few things at the TOP of my list were:

QUALITY time with my kids, 

Healthy/quality food - while teaching my kids why we eat what we do, 

Good mental/physical health, which would require me to stop feeling guilty about taking care of MYSELF, and

Family fun…making memories - quality over quantity.  

I first started cutting back on my volunteer positions, knowing that later in life I would have time to do this again. Saying no was difficult at first, but I got the hang of it:)  The boards or positions that I really wanted/needed to continue with, I transitioned by moving to a self-created position of “task manager.” I would still help/advise, but in a limited fashion. This worked really well.   

The next thing I started doing was consistently practicing meditation. I am the person who can’t sit down long enough to relax and watch a movie, so I had to work really hard at this. For me, it ended up being best for me to meditate right before bed, because my brain wants to stay on and sleep does not come easy. I used the guided meditations on the Calm app. (There used to be more free meditations on Calm, so now I use the Headspace app). I really love Headspace’s sleep stories too! Meditation is still a PRACTICE for me, and I am not very good at meditating without guidance. When life is going smoothly, I tend to cut back and then I realize I need to keep it up even when times are good. There are sooooo many books and articles on the benefits of meditation. Just 10 minutes a day is a great place to start! 

I knew I needed to take time for myself and find a stress-relieving activity, as my love of sports/physical activity fell by the wayside after I had kids. I was so thankful when a friend asked me to join her tennis team. There are an abundance of books out there that tell you the best things for your body type, blood type, your dosha…all sorts of different theories for optimum health, but the one thing that was consistent in all of these books, was for the type of blood, body and dosha I have, physical exercise that made me sweat was ideal.  I felt guilty taking time to play tennis, but it really had a positive impact on my mind and body!! An injury took me away from tennis, so for the current season of my life, I found an amazing gym and am loving pilates, barre and strength classes that I can still manage to do with my crazy schedule!! I also mix in a guilt-free massage when I can, and I see many health care providers that keep me functioning:) (chiropractor, functional medicine doctor, body/energy work and kinesiologist) 

You know the other thing I realized…my kids have busy lives and I can’t be everywhere at once. I used to try and rush to get to everything. Leave one game early to go to the next. Drive across town to see the last 10 minutes of a game. Make it to everything even if it meant I’d have to work into the wee hours to make sure the rest of our lives were taken care of. I would try and be at ALL the school functions because my kids are lucky enough to attend a school where parent participation is very high, so if I was the ONE missing parent, it made for a sad child. 

I still do my best to be at as much as possible, but I have had to miss school functions and have explained to my kids why I work and how I have obligations for that part of my life too. They understand, and I hope this has made them more resilient. I also feel okay about missing their other activities if it allows me to keep my head above water. With three kids, the activities are never-ending, but the time I have to accomplish everything is not.   

Next, I decided that for everything else I did that was “extra”, I would cut back my efforts by 25-50%. I started cutting back and guess what…NO ONE EVEN NOTICED!!! I realized the only difference in having friends over for dinner and having friends over for dinner and making sure I cooked ALL the food myself, AND had fun decorations, AND created a signature drink, AND had cute little party favors was the stress and lack of fun that I actually had during the gathering.  This was quite the revelation! (P.S. - There is still time for the “excess” event, but not EVERY time:):):))  All the parties I hosted got simpler (even just for my kids) and the only person who was a little sad about it was me - because I sure love a pretty party - and I still had visions of what could be:)  

Instead of making the cakes, I bought the cakes, and I decided it was OK to have a birthday party somewhere else that actually helped with all the work and clean-up (although my kids often prefer at-home parties - I just provide the location and food;)), instead of making teacher gifts to accompany the gift cards, I just bought gift cards or even gave cash, friends came over for dinner and menus got simpler or we picked up food or shared in the food making duties, at work I honed in on my responsibilities instead of worrying about responsibilities that were not mine, and so on.  

It has now been a few years and my body likes me better, my kids are just as happy and I save my energy to “over-do” on the things that really matter to me - like making my Christmas cards:):) 

Don’t get me wrong, I still forget my motto of "less is more,” and am often busier than I wold like, but I have made great strides in dialing back to make sure I’m enjoying the journey more!

If you struggle with over-doing OR feeling like you’re not doing enough, start by making a list of all the things that are important to you/your family. Do those things on your list first and know that anything else is extra, or maybe just not that important to you, and that is okay!! There will always be times when you feel overwhelmed, inadequate, or have some “mom-guilt,” but chances are, you’re putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.  

Life is short…don’t forget to enjoy the ride. -XOXO